Fading Existence

As the flower of the field he shall pass away. It’s petals wilt and the beauty of it’s appearance is destroyed. So too is the man in the midst of his pursuits. At the very moment everyone is looking on in admiration at it’s beautiful face it fades away to nothing



We all feel it, the dragging pull of a tide we call stress… I had always used writing as a release, but in the past little while (it seems like a long time but I am a terrible judge of this) I have tried to limit any negativity that I put down, speak, or show… I feel like you can put yourself in such a worked up frenzy that if my exterior was calm and settled and my words and actions displayed positivity, if I read and studied the scripture, prayed, fasted, preached, taught, lived, and repeated the Word that somehow it would stick and sink in.

The thing is, it hasn’t, I mean, I absolutely believe beyond knowing, but I don’t feel it, see it, desire it (in a positive way, maybe in a desperate craving way). Instead of the feeling slowly dissipating I feel that everything in me is screaming and clawing at me. I feel like I’m about to come out of my skin, that any moment I could just finally lose it… the thing is, I know I won’t. There is no pop or breaking point in the way we think. I think in the end you still choose to let go; now it may be from pure exhaustion or you surrender, but you still let go. I don’t mean this in a judgmental way by any means either, I think that it would take an enormous amount of courage to let go, to stop clinging so hard to that last shred of sanity… The thing is, I know that that point won’t come. I will either get better or I will be right here where I’ve been. It’s not a ‘hope’ or confidence in myself that leads me to believe this, I just know me.

posted under Random
One Comment to


  1. Avatar June 1st, 2011 at 5:59 pm Ryan Says:

    I’ve felt much the same thing over the last several months, actually. You’re not alone.

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